Driving Story #1: It’s a game!

So I’ve been driving to work and back for all of 3  months. Throughout this time, I’ve encountered all sorts of drivers and pedestrians on the road. Sometimes these people make a simple task like driving as impossible as achieving world peace. The only way to keep myself sane is to pretend that I’m in a driving game, like Need For Speed/ GT5/ Daytona USA — but with no extra lives. And the goal of this game is to get to my destination without killing anyone. Easy right?

Now, all games have some sort of a cheat code/ level walk-through, so this post shall serve as some sort of a guide to all road users in Malaysia.

Character 1: The Butt-Head

The Butt-Head is a driver who has to smoke while driving, and with one hand dangling out of the window. And they have no qualms about tossing their ciggie butts out of the window.

Character’s Weakness: A truck of fireworks.

Defeat Strategy: Use a water gun.

Character 2: The Flip-Flopper

The Flip-Flopper can never stick to one lane. They’ll go to the left, and 5 seconds later, they’ll decide to go to the right, and 5 seconds later, they’ll be going to the left again. The best part of it all? They do not use indicators.

Character’s Weakness: Ambulance/ police escort.

Defeat Strategy: Curse the whole family.

Character 3: The Cheat

The Cheat pretends to exit a road, only to cut back into the queue wayyyyyyy up ahead. This character pisses me off to no end when I’m behind him/her, and even more so if he/she cuts in front of me when I’ve been stuck in a queue for ages.

Character’s Weakness: None.

Defeat Strategy: Too thick-skinned to be defeated.

Character 4: The Oblivious Pedestrian

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for the rights of the pedestrian. But, if they walk as if they’re invincible, then it becomes a problem. Such characters tend to cross at blind spots and walk really slowly although they know you’re right behind them.

Character’s Weakness: Rain and puddles.

Defeat Strategy: Honk or drive at 5km/h.

Character 5: The Rich Cheapskate

These morons are very common. You’ll spot them near shopping malls and commercial areas that charge for parking. Instead of paying RM1 for 3 hours of parking/ RM3 for 1 hour of parking, or RM5 for a per entry parking, these cheapskates choose to obstruct traffic by parking their Altis, Civic, BMW, Mercedes, Alphard on the freaking road. Never mind that it turns 2 lanes into 1 lane. All they care about is saving a few Ringgit.

Character’s Weakness: They won’t know who has damaged their car.

Defeat Strategy: Scratch their cars with a sharp object or drop a pebble on their windscreen. (Of course, this is all an accident because anything can happen when you park illegally.)

Character 6: The Speed-phobic

These people are terrified of the accelerator pad. They won’t go beyond 40km/h, even if they’re on the ‘fast lane’.

Character’s Weakness: Mat Rempits.

Defeat Strategy: Honk, overtake, and STARE.

Character 7: The Parking Illiterate

They park on kerbs, on zebra crossings, next to fire hydrants, in front of your house, on the highway, at bus stops and taxi stands, in yellow boxes… anywhere that is NOT a parking lot.

Character’s Weakness: Tow trucks.

Defeat Strategy: Refer to ‘Character 5: The Rich Cheapskate’/ Call DBKL.

I’m sure there are more characters that are not listed here. Feel free to suggest some in the comments and I’ll add them into this post. In the meantime, I’m going to play this game until I level up to boss level – when I have a driver to drive me around.

Can I haz salad in peace?

Recently, I’ve started making my own lunch. And since my culinary skills are about as good as my sheep-shearing skills, all I can make is salad.

Thanks lowcostdieting.com for the picture

There’s a supermarket right below my office, so getting fresh vegetables isn’t a problem. The problem is the mindset of the people around me.

More often than not, people tend to assume that I’m on a diet when I’m caught with a bowl of salad. And the first thing that people say is not “Oh, trying to be healthy?” but “Oh. Are you on diet?”

So I would like to declare on my blog that: I’m not dieting

Thanks bigfatboyfriend.com for the picture

The reason why I’m eating a serving of salad every day is simple. I just want to get my daily required intake of fruits and vegetables. Me eating salad is in no way an indication that I will give up my char kuey teow, chili pan mee, bak kut teh, or laksa. In fact, I still munch on chocolates when I come home after a long day’s work.

Besides, my recent long working hours has effectively zapped away my energy to exercise. So if I want to stay healthy, all I can do is eat healthier. Right?

Eating more vegetables is also good for digestion. Ever since I started eating salad regularly, I’ve been able to poo better. TMI? Well, I just want to ensure that people stop judging me and let me have my salad in peace.

Disclaimer:

This post is in no way an outburst of rage against my lovely colleagues and friends who have innocently assumed that I’m dieting. I just couldn’t think of anything else to blog about. I still love you ok? XOXO.